I had a conversation last night with one of my few friends here in BN, and we debated what makes up who we are. We differed on two main points, his being that we are who we are because we want to be that way, and mine being that our past affects who we are, and the decisions we make. I think that while we should not allow our pasts to affect us in negative ways, it is none the less going to affect us because it has shaped our view of the world. He argues that our past has no bearing on our future, where I think it does, maybe not in a big way, but it is there, affecting the way we think, or the way we make decisions. I am not who I am Because of my past, I am who I am despite of it, and I have strived to overcome difficulties to be who I am today, but I am foolish if I think I can just toss my past aside like it never happened, because when I least expect it, it will come back to haunt me, and has the potential to destroy whatever it may be that I am working on or towards.
I also had another discussion last night with a few friends around the table outside our little hooch, on decision making. I have a few tough decisions to make and essentially it comes down to, do I go with the known, the steady, the reliable, but where I would be entering another's already established world, or do I go with the unknown, the unproven, but where there is a beginning. There are pro's and cons to both, and I have been giving it a lot of thought. A friend pointed out that I am still young, that there is still much time for me to make my mistakes, that I can recover from them should that be the case. But therein lies my problem, I can't make mistakes, it's just not me. I am afraid of falling down the wrong rabbit hole, so to speak.
Enough drearieness for me LOL. I had the enjoyable opportunity to play cards with the supreme chaplaincy (as they termed it) here in Iraq last night before dinner, and I had a most enjoyable time trying to beat the chaplains hands, as he seemed to have extraordinary luck getting very good hands LOL. No cheating mind you, just good fortune (Thankfully we weren't playing for cash, I'd be broke LOL) I did win one hand though:-D
I slept in a wee bit this morning, 30 minutes past the time my alarm should have gone off. The irony is that 30 minutes before mine went off, my room mates went off and I heard hers, but she didn't wake up and when mine went off, she woke up, but I didn't LOL.