May 25, 2005
No, not gone AWOL
I am sorry I have been off for a little while. The last few days I have been pretty busy running about, the last two days spent out in the sun at the ranges acting as the Combat Lifesaver (scary thought isn't it?) I am working on a fairly different blog that I will most likely post after returning from Miami over the Memorial Day holiday. Yep, laying down more rubber on I95:-D
May 21, 2005
Random Photos
Welcome to the first ever Random Photos entry. This is a substitute for those days when I am just too lazy to think of anything to write about, and what a quick shortcut. So, for your amusement, are a few random photos from my archives.
Moochie Moochie Ok, there is a short story behind this one. I had just gotten into Tewksbury, MA after arriving from Iraq on R+R leave. Mummy, the family and I hit Cracker Barrel for a bite to eat, and while there I picked up this duckie, that when you make it quack, it quacks out Old MacDonald, and 2 other songs. WAY too irresitable! And yes, I still have it..
Moochie Moochie Ok, there is a short story behind this one. I had just gotten into Tewksbury, MA after arriving from Iraq on R+R leave. Mummy, the family and I hit Cracker Barrel for a bite to eat, and while there I picked up this duckie, that when you make it quack, it quacks out Old MacDonald, and 2 other songs. WAY too irresitable! And yes, I still have it..
May 20, 2005
May 18, 2005
Answers, Finally
They may not have been all the answers I was looking for, but it is a satisfying thing to finally know. My appointment with the Orthopaedist was this morning, and it took him only a few minutes to analyze the issue and tell me what was really wrong: When I tumbled in the accident, I broke my leg, when that happened, it readjusted one of my joints and in the past 5 1/2 months it has healed in a not so good position, and there really isn't much that he could do surgically speaking, and that chances were that I now have a higher risk of having early onset of arthritis in my knee. Ok, now that I have outlined all of the bad stuff, what this also boils down to is that the doctor also recommended a medical board, which means that they would consider medically booting me out. No, that's not so bad. Kinda what I was hoping for honestly, as there is a whole other world out there that I want to know about, and experiance. I was talking to someone the other night, about the fact that I have really realized my mortality. This doesn't mean that I am now suddenly afraid of death, only in that I know that I could quite feasibly die tomorrow. If that happens, I want to know that I have lived my life the best that I could, and done as much as I could in achieving my greatest potential. e.g. starting college, settling down, etc.
May 17, 2005
Blatant plug in hopes that maybe someone at Google will notice me (or not, who cares:-D)
Man I gotta pay more attention to what I am doing. The first time I published this I did so without any text LOL. Anyway, this is just something wicked cool that I noticed today. As I am an avid Googler and blogger, I likey this store : http://googlestore.com
In other news now that I am done being a wise ass, I am not so hot today. Last few days I have been down with g-d knows what, causing headaches, sore throat, and other assorted pains on top of the current existing pain. Lovely. But I am dealing with it appropriately, yes I am getting an appointment with my doctor and in the meantime taking Tylenol.
Only a few more weeks until I switch to the admin job and I have to say I am dreading it. Not because I am afraid to do the work and put in the hours, but just because I am starting to feel as though I am not a part of any team anymore. My team is starting on to new projects, while I am assigned another project and so I feel seperated although I have not left the team yet. Not to mention that I will not have as much training as the team, and that sucks, but unfortunatly that is mostly due to the faact that I am broken. OOOOOO I hate that. It seems that no matter what these days, it always comes back to the fact that I am injured. Go dancing? nope that's out (regardless of what I was up to in Kuwait), Swimming? Beleive it or not even that hurts. Wear high heels? Yeah, been getting into trouble with that one lately. 20+ pairs of shoes in my closet and I can legitimately wear may 4 pairs. Can you tell I love heels and shoes? Had I more money I've no doubt that my closet would be full. But I am nothing compared to Grandma though, SHe has shoes to match every outfit and then some. You can't open a closet without finding shoes. Oh, Such a high goal to aspire to;) May hap someday:-D (I love you Grandma hehehehehehe *said in a very not so apologetic little girl voice*)
Well, I am back to my misery and a tall galss of OJ.
In other news now that I am done being a wise ass, I am not so hot today. Last few days I have been down with g-d knows what, causing headaches, sore throat, and other assorted pains on top of the current existing pain. Lovely. But I am dealing with it appropriately, yes I am getting an appointment with my doctor and in the meantime taking Tylenol.
Only a few more weeks until I switch to the admin job and I have to say I am dreading it. Not because I am afraid to do the work and put in the hours, but just because I am starting to feel as though I am not a part of any team anymore. My team is starting on to new projects, while I am assigned another project and so I feel seperated although I have not left the team yet. Not to mention that I will not have as much training as the team, and that sucks, but unfortunatly that is mostly due to the faact that I am broken. OOOOOO I hate that. It seems that no matter what these days, it always comes back to the fact that I am injured. Go dancing? nope that's out (regardless of what I was up to in Kuwait), Swimming? Beleive it or not even that hurts. Wear high heels? Yeah, been getting into trouble with that one lately. 20+ pairs of shoes in my closet and I can legitimately wear may 4 pairs. Can you tell I love heels and shoes? Had I more money I've no doubt that my closet would be full. But I am nothing compared to Grandma though, SHe has shoes to match every outfit and then some. You can't open a closet without finding shoes. Oh, Such a high goal to aspire to;) May hap someday:-D (I love you Grandma hehehehehehe *said in a very not so apologetic little girl voice*)
Well, I am back to my misery and a tall galss of OJ.
May 14, 2005
Odd things
I spent this morning babysitting for 2 little girls this morning and now know for sure there is no way I am only having one child. Definatly gotta go for 2 or more:-D It was just alot of fun watching them play together and interact (they are not siblings)
Driving to Target this afternoon I was driving by the mall and noticed this kid walking across the parking lot wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and a LONG sleeved black over shirt. Did I mention that the tempature here is in the 90's?
Giving new meaning to the joke "it's just more protien" : I saw this book on a Food network show called Incredible Eats. You have to see to believe, so click Here.
And can you imagine eating Rattlesnake? Yeah, not me. But apparently in Sweetwater, TX, they love it. One of those things that makes you want to say "only in Texas" :-D Yep, I like the Food network. I just can't wait until I can actually cook some of the things I see
Driving to Target this afternoon I was driving by the mall and noticed this kid walking across the parking lot wearing black jeans, a black shirt, and a LONG sleeved black over shirt. Did I mention that the tempature here is in the 90's?
Giving new meaning to the joke "it's just more protien" : I saw this book on a Food network show called Incredible Eats. You have to see to believe, so click Here.
And can you imagine eating Rattlesnake? Yeah, not me. But apparently in Sweetwater, TX, they love it. One of those things that makes you want to say "only in Texas" :-D Yep, I like the Food network. I just can't wait until I can actually cook some of the things I see
May 10, 2005
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Due to my general inability to type, this blog is going to be short and sweet:-D I had my appointment with the hand surgeon this morning and that went rather interesting. I now have 2 issues down, 1 more to go. I now have a schedule for what I can expect to be done. The first treatment was a shot to the wrist, ick factor!!!! We started off going through the various scans that have been done, and then talked treatment options outside surgery. He said that he has seen this a few times before, and so knew what to do about it. Great. He told me though that the shot was rather unpleasant, so I was expecting a large needle. When he pulled out this itty bitty short thing, I almost laughed. He had me prop my arm up and prepped to stick me. He warned me that it was going to be a bit painful, as he was putting in some numbing medication , before the stuff that was supposed to help out in the area between the bones. Before sticking me, he looked at the other doctor and made a comment about patients flopping around like a catfish in the bottom of the boat. I immediatly protested that I wasn't like that, to which he replied that he hadn't stuck me yet. I may be a little annoying, as I constantly pepper my various doctors with questions, but an bad patient, never. Anyway, he proceeded to stick me, and after he finished, he remarked that it was the easist (insert REALLY big medical word here) stick he had ever had:-D Well, afterwards he flipped my wrist around and voila no more pain. However he did warn me that for the first few days the pain would probaly get worse before it got better and that the numbing medicine would last a few house. Unfortunatly for me by the time I got back to work, it had worn off and it started hurting again, and by that afternoon, I couldn't move my wrist at all and that is the way it has stayed. This SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But enough whining, I just hope that the steroids I was injected with works. And would you look at what I can do with one hand:-D
May 08, 2005
In Honor of Mother's Day
I would like to introduce you to 3 of the most courageous women I have known in my life:
My Great Grandmother, Aileen (after whom my middle name was chosen). The first time I can remember meeting my Great-Grandmother, I was 8 years old, and quite the tom boy. Grandma had been raised in the times when young girls were young ladies, and my climbing trees in the backyard didn't quite fit with that. So I didn't like her too much, and for years held on to those memories. When I was 16, my family took a vacation to to go see my Great-Grandparents. At the time Grandma was in a nursing home, and was having a hard time remembering who people were. She always remembered who I was though, as at the time I was using my middle name. I went to visit her everyday for as long as we were there, and left that former dislike behind. My Great-Grandmother lived through the Depression, raised a daughter when my Great-Grandfather was away in WWII, and later in life, started painting. Her paintings are my favorites and I have several of them. She was in my humble opinion, the first matriarch of our family and when she died in the late 90's, the world lost a great woman.
My Grandma Dona: What's not to love about Grandma Dona:) Grandma Dona went back to school later in life, and became a drug and alcohol counselor in Massachussetts helping many people kick their addictions. She has always been on the other end of the line when I call and always sends me stuff when I am deployed. I love visiting Grandma and don't get to do it often enough. One of my favorite visits took place in January '98, when I was 17. Grandma had broken her wrist on a visit to see my new cousin in Oklahoma, and on return to her house needed help. I had just discovered that my choir had taken their mystery trip to Gatlinburg, TN, rather then to FL like I had thought. I was upset about this, so Mummy sent me up to MA to stay with Grandma. I had to wait a whole week and half for snow, but when it did........... I had so much fun creating snow angels, sledding, and playing in the snow. And best of all I had my Grandma all to myself.
And of course, the most important woman in my life, MUMMY:-D My rock, my support group, my counselor, my stylist, my confidant, my best friend, and of course my mother all rolled into one. She is the most courageous woman I know. She has had to make some of the toughest decisions that no mother should have to make, to protect her children. She has supported me in all my choices, whether or not she agreed with them, and is the one person I trust without a doubt. I tell you what, don't threaten her children, cause she will roll right over you! Hehehe
To Mummy and Grandma Dona, I love you very much, and Happy Mother's Day.
In Memoriam, Margaret Aileen Beavers.
My Great Grandmother, Aileen (after whom my middle name was chosen). The first time I can remember meeting my Great-Grandmother, I was 8 years old, and quite the tom boy. Grandma had been raised in the times when young girls were young ladies, and my climbing trees in the backyard didn't quite fit with that. So I didn't like her too much, and for years held on to those memories. When I was 16, my family took a vacation to to go see my Great-Grandparents. At the time Grandma was in a nursing home, and was having a hard time remembering who people were. She always remembered who I was though, as at the time I was using my middle name. I went to visit her everyday for as long as we were there, and left that former dislike behind. My Great-Grandmother lived through the Depression, raised a daughter when my Great-Grandfather was away in WWII, and later in life, started painting. Her paintings are my favorites and I have several of them. She was in my humble opinion, the first matriarch of our family and when she died in the late 90's, the world lost a great woman.
My Grandma Dona: What's not to love about Grandma Dona:) Grandma Dona went back to school later in life, and became a drug and alcohol counselor in Massachussetts helping many people kick their addictions. She has always been on the other end of the line when I call and always sends me stuff when I am deployed. I love visiting Grandma and don't get to do it often enough. One of my favorite visits took place in January '98, when I was 17. Grandma had broken her wrist on a visit to see my new cousin in Oklahoma, and on return to her house needed help. I had just discovered that my choir had taken their mystery trip to Gatlinburg, TN, rather then to FL like I had thought. I was upset about this, so Mummy sent me up to MA to stay with Grandma. I had to wait a whole week and half for snow, but when it did........... I had so much fun creating snow angels, sledding, and playing in the snow. And best of all I had my Grandma all to myself.
And of course, the most important woman in my life, MUMMY:-D My rock, my support group, my counselor, my stylist, my confidant, my best friend, and of course my mother all rolled into one. She is the most courageous woman I know. She has had to make some of the toughest decisions that no mother should have to make, to protect her children. She has supported me in all my choices, whether or not she agreed with them, and is the one person I trust without a doubt. I tell you what, don't threaten her children, cause she will roll right over you! Hehehe
To Mummy and Grandma Dona, I love you very much, and Happy Mother's Day.
In Memoriam, Margaret Aileen Beavers.
May 07, 2005
What fun can be had under the stars
As I do not keep up on current cultural events in my town, it often happens that I find out about interesting events at the very last minute. Such was the case today, when driving to the grocery store, I saw signs for concert parking for the Augusta Symphony. So I went home, logged onto their website, and discovered that they were having a free concert tonight, "Pops under the Stars". I haven't seen the symphony in years, so I went and loved every minute of it. Growing up in Tucson, my parents took us to see the symphony, the ballet, and classical music was played in our house frequently. I also played the violin, and was in the Tucson Junior Strings orchestra. So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy a little Sousa, Tchaikovsky, or anyone else you like:-D It's good for your mind!
May 06, 2005
On the Topic of Tattoos
Not going to say much on this, because you all are going to go read it Here.
But I will mention that I had my first tattoo done at age 23, while stationed in Abu Ghraib Prison, Iraq. :-D
But I will mention that I had my first tattoo done at age 23, while stationed in Abu Ghraib Prison, Iraq. :-D
Blood boiling at this point
OK HELLO: SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE: http://www.cnn.com/2005/EDUCATION/05/06/call.suspension.ap/index.html
Ok, so the kid used profanity, whoopdeedo he's 17! And if you told me to get off the phone with my mother, you'd be facing a world of hurt. Parents, children, and spouses who have deployed overseas DON'T get to the phone that often. We didn't have the luxury of calling anytime we wanted. Oh, and not to forget the time difference, Iraq is 8 hours ahead of us! Ooooooo I am so mad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(PS, Thanks to Sam who alerted me to this injustice)
UPDATE: Someone who had time to research the numbers and email for this school, posted HERE
Ok, so the kid used profanity, whoopdeedo he's 17! And if you told me to get off the phone with my mother, you'd be facing a world of hurt. Parents, children, and spouses who have deployed overseas DON'T get to the phone that often. We didn't have the luxury of calling anytime we wanted. Oh, and not to forget the time difference, Iraq is 8 hours ahead of us! Ooooooo I am so mad right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(PS, Thanks to Sam who alerted me to this injustice)
UPDATE: Someone who had time to research the numbers and email for this school, posted HERE
May 05, 2005
Are we moving back to a Puritan like lifestyle
Alright, I am all for dress codes, and the like, cause yeah, somethings just should not be worn at school. But This? Come on people, this is just opening up a world of hurt. Who is to say what is sexy and what is not? I believe this just opens the door for further subjugation of what we may or may not do in society.
May 04, 2005
The mind that rambles
Last Sunday I had a rather bad moment where I got seriously down, quick. This led me to a conversation I had with someone that got me thinking about somethings. Thought you all might like to see what it is like inside my mind: (Mind you this is a wee disjointed as I was just typing out my thoughts as they occured to me)
I have my first group therapy session tomorrow, pyschiatrist was pushing for it. I do not like people, so what good is it going to do me to stick me in a roomfull? Depression and pyschological repercussions were the reasons behind a lot of my behaviors in Korea. According to that little test I take, chances are I have been clinically depressed for years. But because of an absolute dislike for therapy, I hadn't done anything about it.But I was on yet another downslide towards serious depression, so I knew I had to from previous experiance the last time it happened I was fortunate enough to wake up before I was sent to counseling, not of my own accord, and did so on my own. That was AIT, where I had an affinity to scratching the hell out of myself, and being seriously self destrctive. g-d knows how I made it through that class. But, that was 5 years ago, I am older, wiser, and have a lot more to lose if I don't follow through, not exactly a good period in my life, much as Korea wasn't I tried going for counseling in Korea, but the first guy I spoke to was such an ass I gave up. I have had these rather erratic mood swings for years I can go for quite awhile on the upper end of things, before I slide, and usually when I did before, it didn't last too long. There have only been 2 moments in life when I realized that I was going too far down and if I let it go, it could only end badly that was AIT, and earlier this year. Most of my mood swings were not so dramatic as to be noticable by others outside of my circle, and they didn't affect my work, so I left them alone, figured that I was fine. However, all those little things, and a few big things have led me to the point where I am now psychologically speaking, to the point where I have to be on medication to help get me out of that pit and back out of steady land. Usually I just get kinda moody and grumpy, kinda like PMS just not in that time of the month. Sunday night was an aberration for me in the last year or so, I have had worse ones, but those are usually triggered by something outside, like failing at work, or something like that. Sunday was internal, my thoughts were running rampant and I couldn't control them even though I tried to some of those mood swings are where I have made some of my more stupid mistakes. Letting go of Daniel for example. Believe it or not, that accident changed a lot of that. And I am working on making those go away, cause that is possible. It is entirely possible to get rid of those kinds of swings I think, between the CBT, and the actual pyschologist, we are working on ways to prevent those. Prevent me from making foolish decisions based on shit that is hidden away in my mind that I don't really even know is affecting me. For a long time I denied that my promiscuity had anything to do with my childhood, or the constant cycle of boyfriends that I would fall for, and then get scared and run. Stupid shit like that, that I am now growing up out of and trying to make a new life for myself Having Daniel is helping that process out a great deal, I have something to reach for, a goal in mind, the promise that if I can deal with this andput it behind me, there is a better life waiting for me rather then the perpetual lonliness of running away from everyone who has ever cared for me (with the exception of family of course) There are events in my life that have impacted my life in a very negative way my childhood was taken, I grew up faster then I should have, I lost my best friend in a very violent manner, and have gotten blown up. HOWEVER, those events are part of my past, part of what has helped shape who I am today, BUT not who I am. I do not define myself by those events, but rather by what those events.
I have my first group therapy session tomorrow, pyschiatrist was pushing for it. I do not like people, so what good is it going to do me to stick me in a roomfull? Depression and pyschological repercussions were the reasons behind a lot of my behaviors in Korea. According to that little test I take, chances are I have been clinically depressed for years. But because of an absolute dislike for therapy, I hadn't done anything about it.But I was on yet another downslide towards serious depression, so I knew I had to from previous experiance the last time it happened I was fortunate enough to wake up before I was sent to counseling, not of my own accord, and did so on my own. That was AIT, where I had an affinity to scratching the hell out of myself, and being seriously self destrctive. g-d knows how I made it through that class. But, that was 5 years ago, I am older, wiser, and have a lot more to lose if I don't follow through, not exactly a good period in my life, much as Korea wasn't I tried going for counseling in Korea, but the first guy I spoke to was such an ass I gave up. I have had these rather erratic mood swings for years I can go for quite awhile on the upper end of things, before I slide, and usually when I did before, it didn't last too long. There have only been 2 moments in life when I realized that I was going too far down and if I let it go, it could only end badly that was AIT, and earlier this year. Most of my mood swings were not so dramatic as to be noticable by others outside of my circle, and they didn't affect my work, so I left them alone, figured that I was fine. However, all those little things, and a few big things have led me to the point where I am now psychologically speaking, to the point where I have to be on medication to help get me out of that pit and back out of steady land. Usually I just get kinda moody and grumpy, kinda like PMS just not in that time of the month. Sunday night was an aberration for me in the last year or so, I have had worse ones, but those are usually triggered by something outside, like failing at work, or something like that. Sunday was internal, my thoughts were running rampant and I couldn't control them even though I tried to some of those mood swings are where I have made some of my more stupid mistakes. Letting go of Daniel for example. Believe it or not, that accident changed a lot of that. And I am working on making those go away, cause that is possible. It is entirely possible to get rid of those kinds of swings I think, between the CBT, and the actual pyschologist, we are working on ways to prevent those. Prevent me from making foolish decisions based on shit that is hidden away in my mind that I don't really even know is affecting me. For a long time I denied that my promiscuity had anything to do with my childhood, or the constant cycle of boyfriends that I would fall for, and then get scared and run. Stupid shit like that, that I am now growing up out of and trying to make a new life for myself Having Daniel is helping that process out a great deal, I have something to reach for, a goal in mind, the promise that if I can deal with this andput it behind me, there is a better life waiting for me rather then the perpetual lonliness of running away from everyone who has ever cared for me (with the exception of family of course) There are events in my life that have impacted my life in a very negative way my childhood was taken, I grew up faster then I should have, I lost my best friend in a very violent manner, and have gotten blown up. HOWEVER, those events are part of my past, part of what has helped shape who I am today, BUT not who I am. I do not define myself by those events, but rather by what those events.
May 03, 2005
taking work home
It's a darned good thing I have no social life:-D Right now I am in the middle of a rather large project, and tonight I took it home with me. Oh so tired now, but I feel good. I rather like the feeling of accomplishment that one gets from a job well done. Somewhere in my pysche there is the ever present desire to be useful and needed, and when someone puts that to good use, it's kewl:)
May 02, 2005
Cracker Card
Ah, going through the box o' memories tonight. I started off looking for my hammer in my very not so cluttered storage closet, and ended up in memory land, back to the years 2000-2001, more specifically, as I have just about every paper I wrote, every note I took during AIT, and some of Korea. Sheesh, was I really that young once? I found a card one of my room mates gave me while I was in Korea, called the Cracker Card. On this card was written: "Owner of this card must have it on them at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishment by the cracker police and the evil Flip-A-Pino. (Wiggas included)" For the record, she was the Flip-A-Pino:-D She was great.
So anyway, Physical therapists are pyscho sadists. None to fond of it:) And I have noticed that you all are stopping by, but not saying anything. So now I am curious to know: What would you all like to see here on this blog? My blog is an open forum, as well as my personal insights into my life in general, so pitch in. Comment already wouldya:-D
Oh, BTW, I never did find my hammer.
So anyway, Physical therapists are pyscho sadists. None to fond of it:) And I have noticed that you all are stopping by, but not saying anything. So now I am curious to know: What would you all like to see here on this blog? My blog is an open forum, as well as my personal insights into my life in general, so pitch in. Comment already wouldya:-D
Oh, BTW, I never did find my hammer.
May 01, 2005
A Love Story: Leaving lots of rubber and my heart behind in Florida
Yes, I am burning I95 up between here and Miami:-D But, after 4 years of dicking around, the last 5 months have been so very worth all of the driving:-D To somewhat explain that back story as I don't think I have before. Daniel and I met 4 1/2 years ago in Camp Humphreys, Korea. We dated for a little while and then broke up as normal for 2 twenty year olds in Korea. I then spent the next year acting the pathetic fool (in between and during my various adventures in dating) over Daniel. (He would slightly disagree with me there) For the next three years, we didn't spend much time actually together, he in El Paso, me in Fort Gordon. I visited him in Texas, May 02, but due to some issues on my part, as I left a week early, and said what I thought at the time was my final goodbye. I bawled on the plane all the way home. Later that year I deployed to Kuwait, and spent 7 months there. The first time I remember Daniel telling me he loved me, was May 1st 03, just before I was promoted and pinned SGT, by my at the time boyfriend. Baaaaaad timing. I came home in July, and then after Daniel moved to Miami, he came up to GA to have Thanksgiving dinner with me, and meet my family. Yep, was still with my boyfriend, so nothing happened that weekend. As he drove off, he said goodbye and I proceeded to collapse on my balcony crying. I deployed to Iraq, and in April broke up with my boyfriend. Daniel and I had been talking for awhile at that point, but I was still overseas, and he was with someone. (yeah our timing has sucked) At one point, we were both single, and for some unknown reason I started looking at Las Vegas weddings. We had been chasing each other around for so long at this point that we both agreed we needed to stop, and actually sort out our feelings for each other, as neither of us ever truly ever let the other go. Sooooooo, to end a now long story, when I came home in January, he was there with my family waiting for me, and now, time to live happily (and sometimes not so happily, cause this is real life here people) ever after. Side note here, I don't think Daniel has ever quite forgiven me for being obscenly late flying into Augusta and leaving him stuck with my family (aka 5 of my siblings) for 8 hours on end;) (Love you dear)
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